An ancient manuscript was found in the attic of the legend Migel Nostrildamous, a 16th-century seer who could smell the future. It is written in his own handwriting and predicts events in the not too distant future. And he doesn’t smell good.
Migel writes about the following events:
The year is 2035. The entire border between the United States and Mexico has been paved with asphalt so that people do not slip when crossing it. All illegal aliens in the US have received amnesty and a subscription to Telemundo. The official language of the United States is Spanish. The population of Mexico is 35.
Obamacare requires insurance companies to cover children up to the age of 64, as long as they live with their parents and their mother still does their laundry for them. A “pre-existing condition” is now defined as a condition that existed before you existed. What this means is that all of the out-of-pocket expenses paid by your parents and grandparents for their own medical problems are now funded for you. And all this goes well. Each family has three cars, six servants, a horse stable, and insurance company executives live in homeless shelters.
Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong-un start a joint venture. They’ll be making detachable mops that can be used as a Kim Jong-un wig that doesn’t fly off when he plays basketball.
The International Court of Justice moves from The Hague to the Bronx. In their first session they condemn New York City police officers for occupying Brooklyn.
ISIS heads the UN Human Rights Council and declares that killing a terrorist is a crime against humanity.
The US military is down to a tiny fraction of what it used to be in 2014. It loses many men in combat in a war with Denmark. The United States is outgunned and outnumbered. Denmark’s army consists of 500 well-armed soldiers, its navy has three rowboats with mounted shotguns, and its air force consists of five crop dusters that can drop 78 cherry bombs per minute. America has no chance.
Israel finally agrees to cede all the land demanded by Hamas. Hamas builds more tunnels with the help of Iran’s largest contractor, “Jihad Construction, Roofing and Waterproofing,” and completes the project under budget by taking advantage of the construction company’s biannual “Buy Cement for a Tunnel, Get Cement for a Tunnel” campaign. another free tunnel.” ” dirty.
Hamas is invited to the US to help New York City complete its endless subway projects. Hamas replies: “It cannot be done. We don’t have enough cement for the tunnel from New York to Israel.”
In light of its land gain, Hamas is now demanding that Israel roll back its borders to pre-Egyptian enslavement lines. Israel replies that it is ready to comply as soon as it figures out how to part the Red Sea again.
Evolutionists are dealt a major blow when a book refuting the theory of evolution, “Fossils Make A Monkey Out Of Evolution,” reaches one billion in sales on Amazon. In response, evolutionists claim they can prove that if you incubate a bunch of worms in a solution of amino acids and carbon compounds, they will eventually evolve into the Long Island Railroad. And they reinforce their claim by recounting an experiment that showed that a worm cell magnified eight billion times bears a striking resemblance to a train window.
Migel Nostrildamous writes that his nose was getting a bit stuffy and he was having a hard time smelling any future events. But he promises to make more predictions as soon as his sinusitis clears up.