Hi, it’s me, Billy Blackjack. I see all this stuff about people selling creams and lotions and all kinds of things that are supposed to help a gentleman increase the size of his fishing rod and allow him to use that rod and fish for as long as he wants. Should guys really be smearing this dirt on their fishing rods? I do not think.
Whatever you put on your penis will be sucked directly into your penis through the skin. Now tell me, do you really want all sorts of weird chemicals hanging around in your rig? You have no idea what kind of side effects these things can have. The last place you want to dump chemical waste is what’s in your underpants! Don’t make a hazmat site out of your private parts! Seriously, guys, this is where you make your sperm. It’s the last place you want to put something that wasn’t meant to be there in the first place.
Well, then, let’s see what we have here…
Erectile dysfunction:
Good. If you have erectile dysfunction and the doctor says it’s not due to a plumbing problem, if you want to get an erection, here’s what to do: Take some jalapeno peppers, cut them up, and rub them on your penis. This will make you erect. I guarantee it. But after you’re done healing and finally out of the hospital, you’ll also be coming after me with your shotgun for giving you this dumb advice. So don’t do this with the bell peppers! I’m just making a point. What is this point?
The point is that people will tell you to put this type of goop and that type of goop on your penis because it’s “natural” and it will help. Ok, just so you know, jalapeño peppers are natural too. Listen. Just because something is “natural” doesn’t mean it’s safe or good for you. Radon gas is also “natural.” That doesn’t mean you should smell this stuff in your basement.
If there are no plumbing issues with your erection problems, they could be psychological in origin. Hey, that’s not a problem, nobody is perfect; so if this is the case, don’t be too hard on yourself. Get help from a head doctor. There are also exercises that men can do that will help with this little problem. The point is, again (I like to make points), don’t be too hard on yourself! Stop punishing yourself. If you get excited about these things and let them get to you, it will only make things worse. Don’t worry. This is a small thing, really. Life has much bigger obstacles to put in your way.
Premature ejaculation:
Good. What about premature ejaculation? Should you put chemicals on your hot dog and spray it everywhere? Probably not. Why not? Because most premature ejaculation goes away once your hormones level off a bit and you get used to being with women. Here is the truth:
All men have had premature ejaculation at one time or another. So, I welcome you as our newest member to the biggest men’s club in the world. It’s not a big deal unless it gets totally out of control. You should be happy that women turn you on so much. I’m serious. That is not a bad characteristic for a man. Now you ask, “What can I do about it”?
You can “double bag” for one thing. This means that you put on two condoms instead of one. This here will lessen the amount of sensation your penis has during intercourse. This should help you last longer.
As for spraying things to cushion your penis, just so you don’t feel a thing… Come on guys, is this real? I’m telling you, if you’re so excited about your friend that you can’t help yourself, it’s going to have a big effect on her. Number one, she will be very flattered that she had such an incredible sexual effect on you! That’s the truth! Number two, be glad you’re like this now! Men in their later years would kill to be like that again. And number three, it’s a great way to know if your partner really cares about you. That’s how it is. If she’s by your side and she’s sticking with you during these sexually confusing times, that means she’s a real 24-carat girlfriend! Women like that are hard to find. If she leaves you because of this problem, then you’re better off without her. Trust me on that.
If this kind of thing continues, then things can get frustrating and the novelty will start to wear off for her (see Number One, above). So what are you going to do if condoms don’t work? Educate yourself and find a way to fix this problem. One way to do this is to practice what are called “hold” techniques. You can do this while masturbating. Just get excited and sexually aroused and then what does he do? You “hold” yourself from ejaculating. Makes sense…?
Here, let me try to explain it better:
What you want to do is get right to the point where you are going to have an orgasm and stop ALL stimulation of your penis! Try to focus your mind on algebra class or something that is as unattractive and boring as possible. Remember, most of us couldn’t ride a bike the first few times or drive a “stock” drivetrain on our first try. But, with a little practice, we’re ready for the Tour de France and ready to win the Indy 500!
Good. So, “On your marks, get ready and GO!” A little practice will go a long way. You can also practice with your friend. Explain to him what you are trying to achieve and together you can make things as good as the rain. This will bring the two of you closer together. Do you understand friend? Make the most of all that God offers you in life. Turn that water into wine.
Penis Enlargement:
Do I have to get into this? Smearing mud on your penis won’t make it bigger. Maybe I’m wrong and there is some magic cream that has changed the way men can actually enlarge their penises. I’m telling you, I must have been asleep at the wheel for the last ten years and walked into a ditch to have missed these new miracle enlargement creams.
If you want to enlarge your penis you have to exercise! Like if you want muscular biceps and pecs so you can rip phone books in half, you have to do what? You have to work on it. This is just basic common sense. Do exercise!
In summary:
There you go. Hope this helps you good guys out there. Again, don’t worry about this. You can take anything that seems to be a detriment in your life and turn it into a wonderful opportunity and experience. Begin to look at things from a different perspective and begin to realize how setbacks like this can really be of great benefit to you – how they can and will improve your life, if you let them.
Real men overcome their obstacles and grow, learn and improve themselves from such experiences.
You do the same.
–Billy Blackjack Carson